“What are we” – FWB, situationship, or more?

As complex as this could be, having the ‘’What are we?’’ conversation is the first step to solving this growing challenge. This is why we have prepared the best tips to help you simplify the process. Read on to learn how to define your relationship without pressure or too many expectations. 

Have you ever been trapped in a friend zone? Or stuck with someone, and you can’t define your relationship? This is a common trend in modern dating: hundreds of people are trapped in an unbargained-for-friend zone.  According to Cosmopolitan magazine, 40% of heterosexual males between the ages of 19-27 are stuck in a friendzone, while 61% of middle-aged females between the ages of 20-31 are struggling to define their relationships. How can we reduce the numbers and effectively address this issue? 

Understanding the “What Are We?” Moment

The traditional model of relationships: Talking stage, friendship, dating, and marriage. However, in modern dating, people no longer follow the order of friendship, dating, and commitment, preferring more casual relationships, like situationship or explorationship. Folks can be friends for a longer period without any form of commitment. New concepts like casual dating, mutual friend zone, and contractual dating are the main order of relationships. This has led to failure in friendships, dissatisfaction, and unmatched expectations. This is where the ‘’What are we?’’ moment comes in; one begins to ask difficult questions about the future of their friendship or situation. 

The what are we? moment is all about understanding where you stand in your relationship. After inquiries, the discoveries and inquiries could bring relief or heartbreak, especially when there is an unmatched interest. Whatever the case, you will never truly know until you ask.

Recognizing Relationship Signals 

In the early stages of a friendship or situationship, you are excited, and the chemistry flows. You want to keep things cool and barely worry about defining a relationship or recognizing the signals and indicators. Before getting trapped in that friend zone, here are the five signs that your bestie is not interested in a long-term committed relationship.

Marital Evasiveness

Does your bestie avoid talking about long-term commitments? Does he dismiss marital topics? If yes, this is a clear indicator: he is hiding something. When you observe this, you must begin to ask the difficult questions and be ready to take the essential steps such as lowering your expectations, setting boundaries, and walking away.

Inconsistent Communication

When your bestie always responds to your texts late, never initiates a conversation, or calls only when they want a favor from you. This is a sign, you must not ignore. When you discover these mixed signals do not hesitate to find out the status of your friendship, where you are headed, and how he regards you.

Best-Friend Vibes

Best-friend vibes are intriguing and fun! You spend lots of time with each other and enjoy mutual benefits. However, these vibes diminish and can be replaced with time. It is important to make crucial steps in defining a relationship or friendship. However, if your bestie is only comfortable as a bestie, you should consider exploring other options for lasting intimacy. You can download the Flure app to explore great matches and meet new people.

Sexualizes and Objectifies You

Having a bestie who pays too much attention to your body while neglecting your emotional needs is a red flag. 

Your interactions are only physical; they talk about sex a lot, and when you meet, they only want to be intimate. If you are experiencing this in your relationship, it will be great to set boundaries immediately. By having these personal conversations, you will know if your bestie genuinely cares about you or just wants sexual pleasure.

Often Secretive

Imagine a relationship where you don’t know the important details of your bestie’s life. They barely share anything with you and rarely talk about their daily activities. You may also notice that they don’t want to introduce you to their friends or family and they hide their phone from you. All these signs point towards non-commitment, so it’s only fair that you ask where you stand in the relationship. 

How to Bring Up the Conversation

It is easy to recognize the mixed signals in every friendship but initiating a deeper conversation can be a herculean task. At first, you are stuck in your own emotions and would not like to scare your bestie away or appear overly combative. Below are the three proven concepts that would equip you with the basic knowledge of how to have the talk. 

1. Direct Dialogue Method 

Being honest when asking for relationship labels will save you from unnecessary drama and nervousness. Just request to see your bestie like you normally do, choose a comfortable and private place, and then wait for the right time. Don’t bring it up in a combative or hasty manner, you won’t get the answer you need, instead, choose a time when you are both relaxed.

 Here are some phrases and question templates:

• I would like us to talk about what we want from this relationship.
• I enjoy spending time with you, but I want to understand where this is going.
• I feel a strong connection between us, and I want to know if we are on the same page.
• You make me so happy, and I don’t want this to end. Do you feel the same way?
• I think I have fallen for you, and I’d love for us to take things to the next level; what do you think?  

2. Staging Scenarios 

The first method is effective, but if you prefer a more passive approach that won’t put you under too much pressure or make you nervous, think about creating situations that can naturally lead to the talk. Here are some interesting scenarios:

• Think of a movie, like “Bridgeton by Julia Quinn” Talk about an interesting scene from the movie where one partner asks the other for clarity. Listen to their opinion and ask if that is their thought concerning your relationship as well.
• You can utilize the indirect mode, by saying: your friend asked about your relationship and you didn’t know what to say, then ask how they would describe your relationship right now. 
• Talk about something you have planned a few months down the line, maybe an event or trip, and see if they assume they will be with you or be a part of it. 

3. Third-Party Arbitration 

Do you know that you can find out what your bestie thinks about your relationship without asking directly, this approach is called third-party arbitration because you will engage other people to get the answers you need. For example:

• If you both share mutual friends, let one of the friends casually ask your bestie about your relationship labels and report the feedback/ response.
• If your family or your date’s family have noticed your closeness and are curious about it, you can ask them to initiate the conversation. This is easier and less of an emotional burden.
• If someone mistakenly labels your relationship, use the opportunity to talk about it; you can say my friend called you my boyfriend/girlfriend. Do you see us that way?  

Possible Responses and How to Handle Them

While preparing to have a heart-to-heart talk with your bestie, it would help a lot if you are also prepared to handle the possible outcomes. So you don’t react negatively when things don’t go the way you want. Here is what you need to know about handling responses and what to do next.

1. Respectfully Accept Their Decision 

Like it or not some people just want to have fun and explore the dating world, while others prefer stability and deeper connections, so two people may not have the same expectations at the same time. This is why you need to respect your bestie’s decision if they do not want what you want. Do not try to pressure them or guilt-trap them into wanting the same things as you. 

2. Proceed if They Want a Non-committal Relationship

Assuming you have discussed it with your crush and they clearly state they want a non-committal relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. If you want the same thing, go ahead and enjoy it, but if that is not what you want, be honest with them and do not compromise on your desires and goals. 

3. Re-evaluate Your Position 

After having the ‘’What are we?’’ conversation directly or indirectly, re-evaluate your stance. If they want commitment, then you can freely invest your all in the relationship and make plans for the future together. But if they want something casual, keep it casual or walk away if this is not what you want.

Furthermore, if they are unsure about what they want from the relationship, ask if they need time and space to think about it. 

The Way Forward

Sometimes opting to have these discussions can be tough, especially when you realize that your relationship goals differ from those of your date, bestie, or crush. This could make you sad and emotionally hurt. However, always keep your mind steady, and never panic. You have done the right thing. If after your inquires and your bestie, still prefers non-commitment or is unsure of what they want. It’s best to walk away and put yourself out again confidently; you never can tell when you will find a suitable bestie.