What Does it Mean to be Biromantic?
Many biromantic people walk around confused with their feelings as they can’t fit themselves in any of the known boxes. Flure would like to change that, one article at a time.
Sexuality is a spectrum, and our preferences may be drastically different from the person next to us, and so on.
One of the so-called “niche” preferences is biromanticism.
What is Biromantic?
Biromantic is a term that’s applied to people who feel romantic attraction to two genders, but that doesn’t mean that they’re attracted to them sexually too, compared to panromantics who feel romantic attraction toward people of any gender.
Biromantic individuals can be attracted to men, women, or non-binary people, and they can also be asexual, meaning that sexual life doesn’t interest them at all but rather the platonic and romantic side of the relationship. However, many biromantics are attracted sexually to one of the genders, while the second gender is purely platonic for them.
The term is relatively new and it is used differently depending on who you’re talking to.
Sometimes the definition of biromanticism that you’ll find will tell you that the person needs to be romantically attached to individuals of their own gender, plus someone else. Other sources will tell you that it doesn’t matter as long as there are two genders in total.
Biromantic vs Bisexual
Biromantic and bisexual terms sound very similar, and some use them interchangeably not knowing that this is a huge mistake.
Biromantics are romantically attracted to two genders, but sexually attracted to just one of them. Bisexual people, in turn, are gladly having sex with both genders and usually, they’re romantically attracted to both of them as well.
So, the key difference is in their sexual desires. Biromantics are looking for emotional connection and attraction, and bisexuals are primarily about physical attraction.
That is not to say that people can’t cross-identify as both biromantics and bisexuals. Our sexualities, attraction, and desires change over the years, so there’s nothing wrong with associating yourself with both.
Biromantic vs Pansexual
Pansexual people are sexually attracted to anyone and everyone. Those are really free-spirited individuals who feel desire for all genders. Biromantics, in turn, usually are sexually attracted to one or none genders but romantically attracted to two genders.
There is some intersection between the two terms though. Pansexual people, while usually excited about sex with all genders, can sometimes be pansexual platonically. This means that they are romantically attracted to every gender there is, but might only want to sleep with one.
Key Signs That You Might be Biromantic
If you’re a bit confused and unsure whether or not you’re biromantic – know that you’re not alone! Sexuality and romance are confusing after all, but worry not. We’ve collected the key signs that might indicate that you are, indeed, biromantic.
Confusion About Labels
Something that’s, unfortunately, very common for biromantics is being confused about what their sexuality is. It’s hard to put a finger on even when you’re surrounded by an open-minded LGBTQ+ community because it’s not so common.
Then if we take someone who’s been raised by more conservative partners or grew up in suburban areas where your exposure to different types of sexualities, gender theory, and all that is super limited, – you get a person whose knowledge on the topic and personal experience is pretty much non-existent. That creates a lot of confusion, self-doubt, and sometimes anxiety and even depression.
Being Called Biromantic Gives You Peace
As a continuation of our point about biromantic people being often confused about labels and not knowing where to put themselves when they finally learn this term, it gives them a sense of peace and validation, and they begin to associate themselves with it.
Naturally, there is always room for confusion, but generally, if someone’s been struggling with their identity or something similar, and then they learn about the term that makes sense to them and they instantly feel seen – it’s not a mistake or an error. It’s the “Aha” moment.
You Feel Romantic and Emotional Attraction to More than One Gender
If you find yourself occasionally drawn to people of two different genders and see yourself going out or spending time romantically with either of them, then it’s a sign that you can be biromantic.
You’re not Feeling Sexual Attraction to the Gender Than You Like Romantically
If you feel sexual attraction to both genders than you like romantically, then you’re not biromantic but bisexual. Biromantic people are only willing to have sexual relationships with a specific gender, and the second gender is perceived by them romantically only as someone with whom they see themselves bonding emotionally and intellectually.
Some biromantic people will kiss, hug, and even make out with their platonic preference, but it’s not something that all of them do.
Emotional Connection is More Important Than Gender
One of the many beautiful traits of biromantics is that they are focused on the connection they build with someone rather than what gender this person is. Not that everyone should follow their lead, but there is something so freeing and hope-giving about being more focused on what kind of bond you build with others than what category they fall into.
You’re Fantasizing Romantically About People of Multiple Genders
You find yourself daydreaming about going on romantic dates and doing things that couples do, and those scenarios include people of different genders.
Common Misconceptions About Biromantic People
Anything that’s not considered mainstream is often misunderstood, and biromanticism is not an exception. Here are the most common misconceptions that you may come across.
- Biromantics are just confused bisexuals. That’s a very common line of thought, and while it can be somewhat true in some cases, it’s not right to assume this for everyone. Too often people are inclined to put everything into categories and concepts that are easier for them to grasp and choose to ignore nuance and alternatives that they don’t know much about.
- It’s just a phase, they will get over it. If the first misconception wasn’t infuriating enough, then this one probably is. If you’re not a cisgender heterosexual, you’ve certainly dealt with many microaggressions like that where someone simply denies your experience. Romantic attraction, just like sexual one, is a spectrum, and it doesn’t have to be a phase or a teenage rebellion to make sense to someone.
- They’ll end up with one of the genders eventually. Biromantics don’t need to choose and end up with just one person. Same as bisexuals, are perfectly fine switching between genders, and if they end up with just one eventually, it’s probably because they found a perfect match and stayed with that person.
- Biromantic people are all polyamorous. Non-traditional attractions, sexualities, and preferences were often associated with promiscuity and being polyamorous, although it’s far from being the case for many. Biromantic people might have feelings for different genders, but they don’t have to happen simultaneously.
How to Navigate Biromanticism in Romantic Relationships
When it comes to romantic relationships with biromantics, they’re not really different from any other love stories. In fact, it’s the same as being with anyone else.
Sure, you know that your biromantic lover likes, for example, women and non-binary people, but that doesn’t really matter as long as they’re with you, and they’re loving, caring, and loyal.
If you’re dating a heterosexual woman, she might just as well cheat or fall for someone else. Just because biromantic people have two genders to choose from doesn’t make it any more complicated for the other partner.
In fact, the common issue in relationships with biromantics is the jealousy of their partner. It’s the partner’s insecurity and lack of trust that create tension and resentment and often become a source of conflicts within the couple.
Here are several tips for navigating biromanticism in a romantic relationship that would also be helpful for many other relationship types.
- Communicate openly and be honest about your feelings, fears, and attractions. If any of the partners fancies someone outside of the relationship, it should be known. If someone is bothered about something, that should be discussed too. Similarly, if there is anything in the relationship that partners love and appreciate, that should be shared as well. It’s important to celebrate each other, and not only mention things that are bad or could be improved.
- Set boundaries. If either of the partners is worried about where their romantic and sexual attractions and desires may take them, it makes a lot of sense to sit down and have a conversation about boundaries. Talk about expectations, deal-breakers, and anything in between.
- Lean into compatibility. When you’re looking for a partner, or once you found them, don’t stress too much over sexuality and romantic attractions. Look for and focus on the connection that you can build, the shared values that you have, and things like financial goals for the future and lifestyle preferences. Someone’s potential attraction to a different gender should not be high on your priority list, not at all.
It’s not always easy to build successful and trustful relationships for a biromantic person. They have to deal with a lot of confused faces, stereotypes, and reducing their experience.
If you’re biromantic, it would most likely help you feel heard and seen if you join communities and find individuals who are understanding and maybe share similar experiences. You’ll learn from their experience and will get lots of insights and helpful recommendations from them on how to navigate different relationships, not just romantic ones.
If you face microaggressions or someone just doesn’t understand what you’re going through, it’s always nice to educate them and share your experience to help misspell myths and harmful misconceptions. At the same time, know that it’s not your job to enlighten people around you, so don’t fight the windmills.
Live your life, embrace your preferences, and find lovers who will support and encourage you to be yourself.
