What is a Power Bottom?
The term power bottom comes from the LGBTQ+ community and has recently become a staple in mainstream media. Today we’re going to explore what it means to be a power bottom, what kind of lifestyle or activities it implies, tips to becoming one, and ways to embrace your power bottom nature.
What Does Power Bottom Stand for?
Power bottoms are gay men who enjoy and prefer a receptive role in sex, but nonetheless possess dominant and controlling features both in the bedroom and outside.
Back in the day sexuality was more policed and stricter roles were assigned to everyone. For instance, it was common for lesbian couples to hear the question “Which one of you is a man?”, but luckily it’s not considered so normal anymore.
With gay men, there was (and still is) a division into tops and bottoms, although men can obviously enjoy both roles and go back and forth between them. And with the separation into tops and bottoms came a baggage of stereotypes about how each category is supposed to think and act.
Bottoms, as you may guess, were traditionally perceived to be more feminine, soft, and gentle. Their top partner, in turn, was dominant, made all the decisions, and was “the man” in the relationship.
Such categorization was naturally too limited, so people started to come up with new terms to describe a behavior pattern or a preference, and that’s how power bottom came to life.
Some people jokingly refer to power bottoms as “a hole with a goal” which is funny but be careful where you’re using this phrase and who you’re calling that as some people might take offense.
Traits and Behaviors of Power Bottoms
Many power bottoms share a number of traits that include:
- Taking control in the bedroom, such as setting the pace and the rhythm or intensity of the intercourse.
- Knowing what they want and communicating it clearly, including vocalizing feedback to their partner.
- Generally confident about themselves in terms of looks, character, and value as a partner.
- Takes pleasure in being in dominant positions during sex or when making decisions in the relationship.
- Enthusiastic and active, and overall a high-energy individual.
- Enjoys teasing and being demanding.
A big and important trait of a power bottom is that they prioritize themselves and their needs. They’re good and caring partners, but their own needs have to be met as well, and it’s usually number one on their agenda.
Power Bottom vs Pillow Princess
When you read or talk about a power bottom, the term “pillow princess” comes up as well.
That’s because they are two sides of one coin. Power bottoms are dominant and demanding while being on the receiving end in sex, while pillow princesses are receivers plus they’re super laid back and uninvested in the plot and course of action.
Power bottoms will tell you what they like, how they like it, and give a number of other directions. A pillow princess will simply lie there doing nothing, accepting everything that comes their way.
That’s not to say that pillow princesses don’t care for intimacy, no. It’s just their approach to sex is very passive. They thrive in a relationship where their partner makes all the decisions, including how to wear them down in the bedroom. Instead of driving the experience, as power bottoms do, pillow princesses let the experience happen to them.
Here are the key traits of a pillow princess:
- Passively receives pleasure
- Not initiating intimacy
- Doesn’t enjoy being in control
- Sensual and affectionate
Pillow princesses are often laid-back and caring partners, and they’re loyal and supportive too. They can be judged sometimes for the lack of drive and energy, or will to make decisions. But let’s be real for a moment, and not pretend like we all wouldn’t enjoy dating a super hot and decisive person who’s taking away the pain of thinking and decision-making from us.
Imagine just floating like a little cloud in the sky, nothing bothers you, and everything is sorted for you by your loving BF. Doesn’t that sound great?
Becoming a Power Bottom 101
Being a power bottom is totally in right now. There’s something about the balance of power and submission that everyone strives to recreate.
But do you have what it takes to become a power bottom?
We’re sure you have! But be warned that you can’t just pretend to be one if you don’t really feel it from the inside. Here are three steps to launch your power bottom era.
#1 Boost that Confidence, Baby!
The first lesson in the school of power bottoms is confidence. They may be on the receiving end, but there’s nothing passive, lost, or confused about them. These babies are assertive and goal-oriented. They know how to get what they want, and you’ll do it for them if they tell you to.
If you’d like to become a power bottom, it makes sense to cover the basics, such as working on your main insecurities, upping your style, toning up your body so you look and feel better, and engaging in activities (besides sex) that bring you joy and consume you, such as interesting hobbies, sports, or side hustles.
#2 Explore the World of Sex
A power bottom is hungry for sex and wants more of it in different styles. More importantly, they are curious and adventurous in the bedroom. Think all kinks, all positions, all sex toys, again and again.
Even if you’re not too crazy about the non-stop sex train, you can still be a power bottom as long as you’re willing to try new things in the bedroom and not stick to a couple of tried-and-tested routines.
Surely, it’s good to know what you want and get it, but power bottoms don’t roll like that! So keep up.
#3 Turn into Communication Grandmaster
Power bottoms know a thing or two about boundaries. They’re happy to communicate their boundaries to others, stand their ground, and respect the preferences of their partner, as long as they’re not hurting them.
As a power bottom to be, you absolutely have to get comfortable with talking about your feelings, emotions, fantasies, and preferences, and you need to be articulate about it. Practice with friends, family, and strangers, and reach out to a therapist if you feel like that will be a challenge for you.
Power Bottom Myths (That Don’t Make Sense)
Any fascinating topic or phenomenon causes talks, rumors, and myths. Let’s go through the main ones and dispel them.
Power Bottoms are Submissive and Weak
Like, hello? What do you think the word “power” stands for in “power bottom”? Obviously, PBs are not just passive and silent. Yes, they like to feel that D inside of them, but it doesn’t take away from their confidence and bossy mindset.
They Just Have the Bottom on Their Minds
Power bottoms can switch things up every once in a while and turn into tops. They may also have fun both giving and receiving blowjobs and have steamy make-out sessions that don’t necessarily lead to sex.
You Can’t Hurt a Power Bottom with Sex
Most power bottoms are super funky in sex and open to whatever, and they know how to take on a big boy if you know what we mean. That’s why it’s common to assume that they’re unhurtable in the bedroom and that you can do whatever to them without any negative side effects.
Sometimes it’s true but sometimes you can really cause them pain, so make sure to check in every once in a while to see if what you’re doing is to their liking. And if you’re a power bottom yourself, voice your concerns, that won’t make you any less powerful but will keep you safe and sound.
They’re Overly Focused on the Size
Don’t we all want something big either inside of us or between our legs? Power bottoms wouldn’t be the only ones who like and want a partner with impressive genitals, but it’s not their only focus in sex.
Like avid sex enthusiasts, power bottoms appreciate anything and everything that can be utilized during intimacy, such as toys, fingers, tongues, random (but safe) house decor items, etc. After all, it’s not so much about the length but rather what you do with it.
Final Thoughts
Being a power bottom is fun and exciting, but it’s also demanding. You need to be confident, communicative, and controlling, all while also leaning into your softer side and allowing the partner to lead (at least sometimes).
It’s definitely a journey to become one but if you’re ready for a challenge and a little bit of a makeover, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t give it a go. At the core, power bottoms and fun and assertive creatures who won’t let anyone mess with their pleasure. Isn’t it who we’re all aspiring to be?
