Everything You Need to Know About Cuckolding
If your immediate first thought is not about betrayal and breaking up but, in turn, you get a tingly feeling and you’re kind of excited about the idea, then you might like cuckolding.
What Is Cuckolding?
Cuckold kink is when one of the partners has sex with a person outside of their relationship, and the other partner is watching them.
The idea of their lover being intimate with someone else is exciting and erotic to them, and they thoroughly enjoy watching the act.
The main participants are:
- Cuckold – the partner who is excluded from sex and watches the act
- Dominant partner – the one having sex
- Bull – the third person invited for sex
Sometimes you’ll see people refer to the dominant partner as the bull. The terminology is somewhat flexible here and people interpret different terms freely.
Cuckolding usually involves:
- Both partners’ consent
- Both partners’ knowledge about intimacy with someone else
- Some form of domination and submission
- An element of humiliation
The opposite term for cuckold is cuckquean. Read about the term and how to experience that kink together.
Cuckolding vs Hotwife
Cuckolding is something both partners can enjoy, and it’s also referred to a romantic relationship at any stage of it.
Hotwifing, in turn, is reserved for married couples, and the only person benefiting from the dynamic sexually is the wife.
With this arrangement, a husband essentially gives his wife the freedom to sleep around and have a good time. The husband, however, does not get the privilege of sleeping with other people.
Additionally, with cuckolding the big part of the kink is humiliation, domination, or both. With hotwifing, the man is happy for his wife to go on free-spirited sex adventures and her success with others attracts him even more.
Cuckolding vs Swinging
Swinging and cuckolding may share similar patterns, such as being open-minded and opening the relationship to sex with others, but the principle is very different.
With swinging, typically both partners are engaged in sex with others, and most often it’s an activity for four people. Everyone swaps partners and everyone has sex together at the same time at the same place.
Sometimes swingers will allow their partners to swing without them present, but usually, it’s not the case as being all together is an important part of the experience. Exchanging partners can be taxing on the romance, so when swingers do it, they try to be transparent and honest with each other and also keep each other in the loop about any sexy going-ons.
Cuckolding is not about both partners swapping lovers, but just one of them. One partner gets to have sex with a stranger, and the other one has to watch.
In swinging, it’s about everyone’s fun. With cuckolding it’s also about power play and domination. So not only the cast of the sex play is different, but so is the intention and the vibe. If you’re looking for mutual fun and a more balanced arrangement, then swinging is the way as it’s focused on everyone’s pleasure and comfort (and orgasms).
Cuckolding vs Polyamory
Cuckolding is a fetish, a kink, an erotic fantasy. It’s something you indulge in to have a bit of fun with your partner and to switch things up in the bedroom.
Couples who practice cuckolding usually are monogamous and don’t let people in their relationship. That’s why when they do try the kink, it feels so hot, taboo, and sexy.
Polyamorous people can have multiple lovers and be engaged in sexual and platonic romantic relationships with them. Polyamory is not something you do when you’re bored and then go back to “normal”. It’s the way of life and how they build genuine connections and spend lives with people they love.
Read more about polyamory and how it differs from other types of relationships
Polyamory is a part of the ethical non-monogamy world where partners consent to dating more than one person at a time, agree on boundaries that are comfortable for each other, and prioritize transparency and open communication. They’re setting the ground for long-term relationships right from the start, so it’s not about playing with each other’s feelings or trying to experience being dominated over or dominating someone else.
How Common Is Cuckolding?
When it comes to kinks and fetishes, we often think that they must be really niche. People don’t really talk about such things unless they invite you to be their third. It’s not likely that you’ll be learning those spicy facts about people in your social circles unless you are a super sex-positive and open-minded group of people.
If you look up the research and questionnaires online, you’ll find that about 5-7% of people are exploring cuckolding in some form. If you look at the numbers of those fantasizing about it, well, they’re much higher, we’ll tell you that.
While the current rate of people doing cuckolding is not too high, it’s fair to assume that it will be growing with time. The internet and social media are doing their fair share of educating the public on sexual education and different types of intimacy that are out there. Moreover, we’re slowly becoming more open-minded about different sexual lifestyles in general, so people are more inclined to experiment in the bedroom, including inviting others to join them there.
Why Do People Like Cuckolding?
If you’ve never tried anything remotely similar to cuckolding, you may ask yourself: why would anyone want that? And you won’t be alone.
Lots of people get scared, sad, and even disgusted with the idea that their partner may have sex outside of their relationship, but also even kiss and hug. If you’re a hardcore monogamist, cuckolding will either be an absolute No for you or a kink that you’ll surprisingly enjoy.
Cuckolding has this magic power of opening up new perspectives to people, so don’t automatically throw it away as an option.
If you’re curious why others like cuckolding so much, here are the main reasons.
- Exploring taboo and excitement that’s usually forbidden and breaks all societal norms. Rihanna once sang, “It’s so good being bad”, and that’s kind of the vibe with cuckolding.
- Power dynamics are all messed up with cuckolding in the best way possible.
- Adds visual stimulation to the pleasure mix by watching their partner have fun with others.
- Enjoy the humiliation element of seeing your lover with a stranger, sometimes made even spicier by the sex-having couple insulting the other partner who sits and watches them.
- Rekindle the passion that has maybe died down a bit if the couple has been together for a long time.
- Confidence boost for both lovers. The one in the action gets to see that others still want them, and the person watching gets the reassurance that their lover is very much in-demand.
- Emotional bond, surprisingly, is a huge benefit of cuckolding that not many people expect to get. Some couples find that such experiences actually make them trust each other more, make them more honest with each other, and make their communication and relationship just better overall.
Overall, cuckolding has a lot to offer, and it’s a unique fantasy fulfillment scenario where, unlike in dreams, you get to be in control of what’s happening, and everything is consensual.
Who Is Cuckolding For?
There’s really no limit to who can enjoy cuckolding. It’s a rather low-barrier kink that doesn’t require much preparation except for the right state of mind.
Watching your partner have sex with someone else or being the one who’s having sex while their lover watches the act is not conventional, but not extremely wild either. Couples often do it after they’ve been together for a while and crave some change, and others are open to the idea early on in their romance.
There’s really no “average” cuckolding enthusiast, as it’s widely enjoyed by all kinds of demographics.
- People with a cuckolding fetish are obvious number one candidates to be practicing this kink.
- People interested in power dynamics, dominance, and submission, those who love to either be in control or in submission.
- Couples with strong emotional bonds and maturity.
- People who grew tired of their sexual routine and would like a change.
- Sex-positive adventurous couples who are normally down to exploring different sexual formats.
How to Understand If Cuckolding is For You
If you’re curious about cuckolding but not entirely sure that this is how you want to spend your days, here are a few signs that indicate it’s more than a fleeting thought for you.
- You have periodic fantasies about either being with someone else or seeing your partner have sex with a stranger.
- Both you and your partner are emotionally stable and secure in the relationship.
- Jealousy is not an issue in your romance.
- Even if someone is jealous or experiences negative or conflicting feelings, you are able to navigate this situation gracefully and come out stronger as a couple.
- You don’t mind some frivolity on your partner’s end and you are also allowed to flirt or maybe even kiss or make out (given that your partner knows about it).
- Your relationship is solid and you’re confident that a little bit of extravagant action won’t cause any drama.
If all that sounds like your situation, great! If not, maybe it’s best to work on the relationship a little bit first or you can do more damage than good with cuckolding.
Still on the fence? Here’s what to ask yourself.
- What is driving me to cuckolding? What is my motivation?
- Am I comfortable with my partner having great sex with someone else?
- Will I be able to deal with my jealousy in a sustainable way?
This will help you understand what’s going on in your heart and your brain better.
Bonus tip: While you should absolutely be prepared for what cuckolding might bring, know that there is also no way to be 100% prepared for it. Cuckolding is a rather wild experience unless you’ve been swinging and enjoying polyamory for a while. There is no way to avoid the initial shock, and that’s alright. You want to do it for new emotions and experiences, right? Be prepared to have your world rocked a little bit but also don’t forget to prepare for it and do your homework.
How to Suggest Cuckolding to Your Partner
It’s a bit intimidating to bring up the topic of cuckolding with your partner, but it’s not impossible.
As you attempt to have a conversation with them, follow the key basic rules.
- Find the time and place to have a talk. Make sure you’re not rushing and are both in a decent mood to handle a conversation like that.
- Start by asking them about their general take on kink, fetishes, and sexual exploration journeys.
- If you think that continuing with cuckolding is a good idea, bring it up in a few words and rather directly. Don’t make your partner have to decipher what you’re saying.
- Tell them about your motivation and what’s driving your interest in the kink.
- Use gentle language and phrase it as an idea and a suggestion, not an ultimatum.
- Reassure them multiple times that this suggestion doesn’t alter your relationship.
- Hear them out, and be prepared for them to have an emotional reaction. It’s not an easy topic to digest after all.
- Be patient and give them time. Let them sleep on this idea and don’t rush them to make a decision.
If your partner agrees – great! The next step is to set boundaries that will be comfortable for both of you and find a perfect match to join you for the cuckolding session.
What If You Want Cuckolding But Your Lover is Against It
If your partner is not showing interest in cuckolding, you need to respect their boundaries. Talk to them openly, understand why they’re against it, and see if that’s something you can revisit later.
If cuckolding is completely out of the question, look for alternatives, such as role play, dirty talk, sensory play, or anything else that only you two participate in but that involves new scenarios, locations, and formats.
Perhaps, you weren’t craving cuckolding so much as you were looking to add something new to your love story.
