How to Ask Men About Their Intentions

In this article, you will learn how to ask a man his intentions by asking the right questions and interpreting his response to avoid confusion.

Why Understanding Intentions Early Matters

According to an online dating pool, more than 40% of dysfunctionalities among dates have been linked to unclearness from the start. Not only does unclearness lead to a bitter ending, but it also results in a gross waste of time and impairs other dating opportunities by keeping you away from other suitors. 

Also, an online medical study revealed that heartbreak and unmet dating expectations are the number one cause of depression among ladies between ages 17 and 26. This is sad because these incidents could easily be prevented by early communication. But often, ladies fail to ask about the man’s intentions and end up developing strong feelings. 

How to Avoid Confusion and Emotional Investment in Mismatched Expectations

Imagine you want a serious, meaningful relationship, and a guy leads you on, but after you have invested some emotions, you find out he didn’t want anything serious from the beginning. That can be distressing and a total waste of time, but it wouldn’t have happened that way if you had known his intentions early enough. There are two proven ways of avoiding an unmatched expectation:

• Establishing an Open Communication Format

Before getting intimate with that guy, establish an Open relationship communication.  This open communication cuts across all aspects of his life, including romance, career, and travel. You can adopt a 15-minute style of heart-to-heart discussion every day. When discussing, listen and be honest with the response you’ve received. Most ladies figure out the guy’s interest, but still won’t let go, this would not play out well at the end. 

• Knowing the Type of Relationship He Wants

Everyone has something specific in mind, a spec, a dream date. Your crush might not have the same attraction. It is, therefore, important that you figure out what he wants and don’t just make assumptions. Does he want to go with the flow, have less emotional investment, and enjoy it while it lasts? Or is he looking to build a deep connection and a committed relationship? Knowing his specifications would give you clarity and reduce all forms of mismatched expectations.

How to Approach the Conversation Naturally

Sometimes, the major issue with how to ask a man his intentions is simply starting the conversation. Most ladies often feel awkward and shy and don’t really know how to initiate such a conversation. If this is you, here’s what you need to know:

• Timing works!

This will depend on how your relationship with this guy is progressing and how close you have become. There is no specific time for everybody, of course, but you must observe his mood before proceeding with such a conversation.

• Frame the Conversation in a Non-intimidating, Open-ended Way

How you bring up this conversation is very important; you don’t want to pressure him into giving you an answer, and you don’t want to make things awkward between you two. Check out these excellent examples of how to ask a man his intentions.

Interpreting Responses and Red Flags

Sometimes, a man may not give a direct answer on his dating expectations, or he can just tell you what you want to hear to get things moving, this isn’t to say that you won’t get an honest reply, but you should know what every reply means and what a red flag looks like. Here is all you need to know. 

Signs That He Is Serious About a Relationship

So, what are those signs you would see before you conclude that a man is serious about your relationship? 

1. He Talks About Commitment and his Interest in Long-term Relationships 

If a man wants a serious relationship and commitment, it won’t be a secret; even before you start dating him, you will hear about his interest in building something solid and profound with someone.  Sometimes, he may just mention it in your conversations to find out if you want the same thing. 

2. He Includes you in his Plans and Vital Decisions

Pay attention to his words; you will notice if he always says ‘’we’’ when discussing his plans and hopes for the future. If a man is serious about you, he will want to build a life with you, so he sees you in all his plans, including marriage, finance, and family. He may not just say it when you are around alone; you will find him including you when he talks to his friends. 

3.  He is Super Protective of you

A genuine concern for your well-being and safety is a good sign of someone who is serious about you. He asks about your daily activities and shows concern when you are going through any stressful situation. He also tries to protect you from other people. However, you should know when protectiveness is healthy or toxic. If he is controlling and possessive, it is a red flag. 

Indicators of Non-Commitment or Avoidance

Some signs can tell you if he is not ready for commitment or doesn’t want to get serious with you. For example:

1. He Feels Uneasy Whenever You Mention Commitment

If a man is not interested in you, he will not talk about any plans of commitment, he will also try to avoid the topic whenever you bring it up. Sometimes, it may be that he doesn’t want to comment on it or tries to change the topic.  This is a clear sign that he either has no plans of commitment or doesn’t have it with you. 

2. You are Rarely Involved in his Futuristic Plan 

Listen to him talk about his short-term and long-term plans; where do you fit in? Does he have any place for you? This is one way to know if he is serious about you. If he doesn’t include you in his plans, it means he doesn’t think the relationship will last that long, and he doesn’t want to invest in it. 

3. He gets Annoyed and Defensive When you ask about his Intentions

When you finally decide to start seeking clarity about what you both share, if he reacts by deflecting and justifying himself, it means he knows his intention is not something you will agree with. He may even get angry and try to manipulate you into feeling guilty for asking so you will let the topic rest. This is a clear sign he doesn’t want you to know his intentions. 

When Vague Answers Should be Taken as a Lack of Clarity or Interest

When asking a guy about his intentions, you should expect that he may not give you the clarity you need even after having the conversation with him. 

If he continuously changes the topic of dating or jokes about it, then he is likely not interested.

However, if he avoids giving a straightforward answer and says things like “let’s just focus on what we share”, “we don’t have to put a label on it”, or “we should just go with the flow,” then he’s probably not clear about his feelings. In such a case, you ought to give him time to attain emotional clarity.

How to Respond to Unmatched Interest

If a man doesn’t want commitment, it does not mean you have done something wrong or that you are not enough. He is just not ready, and that’s okay. What do you do when you discover such an unmatched interest or commitment? How do you respond? 

• Set Personal Boundaries

You need to take some time off to heal and move forward, so tell him you need space. Then, reduce your communication with him, and if possible, stop seeing him. If you have the same social circle, let your close friends know you wouldn’t like to be in contact with him. If he tries to get close to you again, ensure you stand by your decision. 

• Explore Other Relationships and Friendships

This one didn’t work out as you may have been expecting, but it’s not the end of your love life; you should move on and explore other relationships and friendships. This way, you will spend time with other people and won’t keep reminiscing over what could have been. Who knows, you may get to meet someone whose intentions align with yours. Download Flure App to find great friendships.

• Embrace Self Development

This is a good time to process your feelings, acknowledge how you feel, and make things better. Think about what worked and what didn’t so you can improve your future relationships. Furthermore, redirect your energy to your personal or professional goals and focus on self-development in all areas of your life. 

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Do not make these common mistakes girls make when asking about a man’s intentions. If you do things right, you will be sure that he is truly interested and that your actions or mistakes have not influenced anything. 

1. Asking Too Soon or in a High-Pressure Way

As we mentioned earlier, there’s no fixed arrangement on when to ask about commitment, but do not ask too early. Make sure your bond is already getting deeper, and he is showing signs of seriousness before you ask him, and do not pressure him to give you a response. Just have a casual conversation with him and pick your clues from there. 

2. Ignoring Obvious Red Flags or Mismatched Intentions

One thing some ladies do when they really like someone is ignore what is right in front of them. If you see any of the signs of non-commitment we have listed above, do not brush it off like it doesn’t matter because it does. Consider everything and make informed decisions based on what you have seen and what he has said. 

3. Assuming People Will Change Their Stance Over Time

If he is showing obvious red flags or signs of non-commitment at the beginning, and you still go ahead to discuss it with him, but he does not respond positively, you need to accept the reality of things and move on. Don’t stay because you think he will change. If you wish to stay, it should be because your dating expectations align, meaning you also want what he wants, which could be casual. 

4. Having too many expectations

Having too many expectations can ruin any friendship. No relationship or friendship should be built on endless expectations. Rather than having unrealistic expectations, it is best to focus on self-development and improvement in every aspect of your life!